Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I Am Back :(

Well it has been a long time and as you can tell by the title of my blog I did start smoking again..

Obviously much has changed in my life since I last posted to this blog on Aug 10th, 2007. I met the love of my life L. on the 14th of August, 2007 (yeah the last guy had to go he was I fear a bit of a nut job) L and I are still together today. He was a smoker when we met and I was not but that didn’t bother me at the time and didn’t seem to make it any harder for me to stay quit in the beginning.

I made it as a non-smoker for about 6 months. Until December of 2007 and then for reasons unknown to me or anyone else I slowly started smoking again. Actually I suppose the first drag happened much earlier than that. During a show at Red Rocks outside Boulder in September. Then a couple more drags here and there. Maybe at a bar when someone left one burning and I thought aww… what the hell I have been doing great it won’t make any difference.

I know, I know the motto… not another drag EVER!! But hey aren’t I different from everyone else? (Yeah Right!!)

Then on a cold day in December as I was getting ready to leave to my sisters house to decorate the tree I decided to grab one of my boyfriends partially smoked cigarettes from the front porch and take it with me for the drive. I don’t remember what I was thinking at the time or why I would do such a stupid thing though I do remember that I was not particularly stressed or anything at the time. It was just a really stupid decision that I made. After that it was a whole smoke here or there just because until 1 day several weeks later I realized I was a smoker again. That I indeed was not different; that it is true you can't have another puff EVER!

Maybe I should have stayed on the Chantix longer? Whatever lead me to smoke again I know the truth now. I can never smoke again not even one.

I have decided to go through and read all of my old posts to get a feel for the differences if there are any between this time and last time. I will also try to make my first couple of posts an overview of the last years as well as how each day is going.

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