Reasons For Quitting!

Time for something not so fun and amusing to read in my blog.. if you are looking to be cheered up skip this entry.

So on Day 2 of taking Chantix you are supposed to list out your reasons for quitting. I looked back at my old list and most of the reasons are still the same except one. And that one is my MAIN motivation for quitting for good this time.

And also the biggest change in my life.

I lost my mother to lung cancer on October 25th of this year. I wasn’t ready to lose her. I watched the strongest woman I have ever known in my life wither away. I tried to take care of her as much as I could and my sister tried even more but neither of us could really take care of her in the one way we wanted to. We couldn’t make her better. It killed my mother to have us taking care of her in some ways I think. As I said she was always the strongest person I have known and she always took care of me. While my mother certainly died with grace and courage the reality is there is nothing pretty or romantic about your life ending with Lung Cancer. Telling myself we are all going to die someday doesn’t work anymore as a reason to continue smoking. I don’t want to die the way she died gasping for breath. I don’t want to put my loved ones through what I just went through and every time I lit up after she died the picture in my mind would turn to the look in her eyes during those last minutes of life. I simply can never smoke again.
Any other reasons I may have for quitting are all good and valid ones but my mother trumps them all.

If any of you are looking for a good reason to quit drop me a line. I would be happy to tell you the realities of lung cancer and thinking that it won’t happen to you or the silly notion that we will all die someday pales in comparison to the realities of the horrible disease.